that hurts….

I thought  it won’t hurt…

I already knew it coz I can feel it…

I thought I will overcome all the feelings…

But why it makes me cry….

It even didn’t have a heartbeat yet…

I wish I can blame something, I wish I can blame me…

But I don’t know why it happens…

Why it hurts so bad….

It even didn’t have a heartbeat yet…

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… and I am pregnant (again)….and loose it…

I knew that I am pregnant when I feel so tired and so hungry since last week. So when I missed my period I did some home test and the result is positive. I did it twice just to make sure the result is reliable. It’s a good news as we plan to have another baby in our happy family. It seems Kirana is mature enough to have a younger sister/brother.

Monday, 8 November

But now I am worried, since I get some blood spot for the last 2 days. Maybe because I was too tired. On friday night, I couldn’t sleep so i decided to clean the house and only back to sleep at 4 in the morning and woke up at 8 AM.

May everything is alright and I can have a healthy pregnancy.

Went to GP today and he said the bleeding might be OK, just the way the baby develop the womb or it’s an early sign of miscarriage. He only said that I should take easy and relax.

Wednesday,10 November 2010

Today, still found blood spots every time I check it after I pee. Gosh, I hope everything is OK. If I have miscarriage,  I hope I will pass it soon.  Miscarriage is a way of our body to deal with unhealthy pregnancy. Hubby comforts me, makes me feel better.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Yesterday we went to GP because I still have blood spot. This morning is kinda getting worse 😦

GP said the blood test is fine and it’s confirmed that I am pregnant and nothing serious. But since I still have blood spot, he asked me to have a check up at Cork University Maternity Hospital tomorrow.

I hope everything is OK.

Dear Baby, don’t you wanna meet with your sister, Kirana? She is amazing girl, she will be great sister….

In the evening I had a very bad bleeding… It broke my tears, I just know that i loose it…

Thursday,18 November

We went to Cork University Maternity Hospital, got the USG… and there’s no more sign of pregnancy in my womb.

They asked us to came on Saturday to compare to hormone level from today and Saturday, if it went down, we really loose it.

Friday, 19 November

Got a letter about the check up appointment for antenatal…. I am afraid i should cancel all the hospital check up 😦

Sunday, 21 November

Got a call from hospital, it’s officially confirmed that we loose the baby. I already knew it from couple day ago, but still it hits me badly. That’s what we called destiny???

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