Archive for the ‘my job, my career, my passion’ Category

when you found there’s no passion…
when you thought it’s hopeless…
when you feel you’re stuck…

it’s time to move on…
don’t just sit there and expect a miracle…

so now i do what i should do…
make a plan and do it…
i don’t know what future can bring…
but i know what i want to do…

be the best that i believe i can be, and ignore the voices behind.
i know i can be great, i know i am good.


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I read some comment on my friend’s FB status that said “good mom”  and the next comment “… sometime as a career woman, they ask the nanny to do everything for the baby ..” it’s a fee translation from Bahasa. I really wanna laugh because of that comment. I don’t know the guy who gives the comments so no offence and maybe I am just missed interpretation of what he really means. Why I wanna laugh, it’s because the label that he gave to a career woman (well, career woman mostly refer to woman who’s working instead of stay at home), that a career woman will ask the nanny to take care the baby (just like feeding, taking a bath, changing the nappy etc). Does it mean that career woman is worse than a full time mother? Are you a better mom if you always take care a baby by yourself instead of the other who can get help from a nanny? Did he watch 24 hours 7 days a week what did the career woman do so he has statement that sound like a career woman is a worse mother. I know in Indonesia most of the couple will have nanny to take care the baby and a maid to take care the house. So what??? I would love to have that if I can afford that luxury. Having the nanny to help you doesn’t mean you didn’t care with the baby. Everybody has their own reason to do what they do and don’t, don’t judge others! It just the same likes the statement that a mother who breastfeed the baby is better than the they who didn’t.. Or mother giving birth by caesarean section is worse than they who giving birth naturally. Every mother has their own journey in raising her child.

I know i choose to work at the office because so many reasons, it’s because i love to work and express my self and also because of the money that i can get. does it means i didn’t love Kirana that much? I love her with my all my heart and soul and i know that Kirana has a good time at the day care. She likes her friends and enjoys all the activities. i think she really has a good experience in socializing and expressing herself. She still enjoys our companion.

We don’t mind to take days off when we need to, just like when she’s sick… We’re lucky that it’s so flexible to get the day off…

Am i a worse Mom because i am working? i guess only kirana can answer it…

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back to work

so now i’m back to work, tuning my brain to be at another level so it can hold another type of  stress, fixing my language  so i won’t speak a little bit bahasa, dutch, english and a lot of bababa and dadadada… oh yeah, i don’t believe this but i really thought staying at home and taking care of Kirana is much more fun than to be at the office (esp. with the paycheck every month).

i’m so lucky that i have Diana and family to take care of Kirana during the day, she is in good hands.  she will learn more bahasa, have Rana and Yasmeen to play with, take a walk during the day and the whole family love her  too (and om Adi too) .. so perfect!

i still try to adjust my skill and everything with office rhyme since i’ve been hibernating for about 7 months. i really thought ireturned on the wrong time, the girl who was supposed to cover me during my maternity leave has been sick since last december so that means some blank data base, there’s been a system migration so some of the reports are not in sync, products transfer from another plant so that means more analysis to do. so instead of giving me a smooth transition,  they just put me on the front line and ready to be attacked 😛 i was doing a lot of projects before i’m leaving and Jacqui’s doing day to day job and right now i should do the day to day job and looooaddddsss of projects at the same time (helloooo, everybody has 24 hours a day,isn’t it?).

i also try to apply for my manager’s position since he is  assigned for some big projects. the result gonna be interesting for me. if they accept me to be on that position means i should try to find a person to replace my position and Jacqui, don’t think it’s easy  and it will take some time and that means i should do everything by myself (?), on the other hand if they reject my application, i should rethinking my position since that means i’m not capable to be on the higher level and does that mean there’s no career for me there or do i need more skills, trainings and time to be there?

ah well… better just enjoy my weekend and be thankful that i still have a job when thousands of people in ireland have no job now.

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i found this on the Stanford University website , a speech from Steve Jobs :

‘You’ve got to find what you love,’ Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO
of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12,

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of
the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college.
Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college
graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s
it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then
stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really
quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young,
unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for
adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college
graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a
lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the
last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on
a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have
an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My
biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated
from college and that my father had never graduated from high school.
She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few
months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a
college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my
working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition.
After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I
wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me
figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had
saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it
would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking
back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped
out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me,
and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the
floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to
buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday
night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved
it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and
intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy
instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every
label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had
dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to
take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif
and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between
different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great.
It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science
can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my
life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh
computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac.
It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never
dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never
had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since
Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would
have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on
this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the
wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to
connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was
very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only
connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will
somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your
gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me
down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I
started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and
in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a
$2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our
finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned
30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you
started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very
talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so
things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge
and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of
Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out.
What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had
let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped
the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and
Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very
public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley.
But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did.
The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been
rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from
Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The
heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a
beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of
the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another
company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would
become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer
animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most
successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of
events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we
developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And
Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been
fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the
patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.
Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going
was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that
is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going
to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly
satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to
do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep
looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know
when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better
and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it.
Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live
each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be
right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33
years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If
today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about
to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days
in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve
ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because
almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of
embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of
death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are
going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you
have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not
to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30
in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t
even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost
certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect
to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go
home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to
die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d
have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to
make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as
possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a
biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my
stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a
few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there,
told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors
started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of
pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and
I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the
closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can
now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a
useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want
to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No
one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is
very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change
agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new
is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become
the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other
people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out
your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow
your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want
to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog,
which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a
fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he
brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s,
before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made
with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like
Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was
idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog,
and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was
the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final
issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you
might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath
it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell
message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have
always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew,
I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry.  Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

*don’t you think i’m too crazy about apple?*

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I just saw a vacancy at my previous employer and it’s on my old dept. Since I move to my job now I always dream that some day I’ll be back to my old employer. The reason is so simple: i like the atmosphere over there.
I don’t wanna bitch about my job now, all I know I can’t wait to have my maternity leave. So many things makes me down and crush my dreams about my career. I’m so naive to think that if i work so hard and prove to everybody that I’m more than their expectation, it  will give me a good reward.

It’s so weird that now I don’t believe when people gives some compliments to my job, I keep on thinking that they are just being nice, even though I know that they’re impressed with what I’ve done. *sigh* what a complicated feeling.

Right now I’m really in the situation that i don’t know if I have a career 😦  Maybe there’s  some opportunities over there, but the problem is will I enjoy to stay with  this kind atmosphere? if I moving to other company, then my CV will be totally messed up because I never stay at 1 company for a long time.

Well, is it because pregnancy hormones that makes me very sensitive?
I just wanna live my dreams…
…one day I’ll fly away,leave all this to yesterday…

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so here i am with a new environment…. and i just wanna screammmmm: "GEEEMMMMEEEEEEE MAC!!!!!"  i hate PC!!! i hate PC!!! i reaaallllyyyyy haaattteeee PPPPCCCC!!!!!
darn! it’s a nightmare to work with PC, after being spoiled with MAC. it’s so easy to open so many windows with MAC so i can just jump to another file without closing the previous file. next time when i move to other company i will calculate this misery in my salary expectations.

my friend was so right when he said to me, mac user is saved from the evil PC, and now i’m lost again!!!!

i really didn’t consider this, but moving to medical device company means serious environment. my last working environment was so fun before. first is apple, i am not crazy about gadget, but i really love apple and it’s product since long long time ago. and the second is l’oreal. well, the work load is not nice but i love l’oreal products, from shu uemura, biotherm and that affordable l’oreal and maybelline. both l’oreal and apple gave me a funky, young and fun environment… colorful walls at the office, handsome guys and pretty woman on the ads. esp, when i’m working with apple, i love with all mac products around me. never worried about forgotting my ipod because somebody will broadcast their itunes. and chatting is legal in apple!!!!

i guess because of ethic and etc, you can’t find some handsome celebrities in medical device ads. never found some fun story about their marketing strategy too. no innovative products like iphone, no beautiful woman says that you can make your eyelashes 10 times thicker….

even though it gives me a better hope for my career and future (the pay check is better too), i just feel i miss something….

when i was in l’oreal, we always have some goodie bag full of their products for free and when i was with apple, i get  a free ipod (and yeah… this year it seems they will give iphone to the employees)… so now, do you think they will give me free catheter or some some brain surgery toys?

well, why it’s so hard to be thankful 😦


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finally i can get in touch with internet after about 3 weeks madness with all the new things… with all new job and new house.it’s damn busy!!!! i have internet access at my office, but damn…. i even have no time to browse detik.com for some issue in indo.
so i’m back now with more stories… esp. about my new job.

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