Archive for the ‘me, myself and i’ Category

when you found there’s no passion…
when you thought it’s hopeless…
when you feel you’re stuck…

it’s time to move on…
don’t just sit there and expect a miracle…

so now i do what i should do…
make a plan and do it…
i don’t know what future can bring…
but i know what i want to do…

be the best that i believe i can be, and ignore the voices behind.
i know i can be great, i know i am good.


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I was thinking to start my no complaint week today because I really thought it’s really good to build my character. But what i get today makes me wanna scream. It’s just like unfunny joke, a curse with no cure, feel so wasted…

When you think you stretched yourself beyond your imagination and working so damn hard, wasted your experiences… and it’s not enough.

I’m so fucking tired with this game.  They ask for more, they take my soul, they take my confidence…

I made big mistake, when I signed that paper 4 years ago….

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Well, i didn’t write any blog yesterday as I get high fever. I slept since I was home and this morning I manage to go to the office for an hour to do some necessary things. My first day of no complain week is not that bad. I do one or two “soft complain” but didn’t bitch as what I usually do. Being aware that I don’t want to complain or moaning means that I can manage my emotion. It also makes me try to find a solution faster instead of bitching first and thinking later.

But one thing that I am concern, because I don’t wanna complain makes me feel that I am defeated on some situation. I really should work on this.

I really think that Hubby is really good example of people who didn’t do a lot of complain…

It’s short blog today, I will stay in bed, so on that case, my 2nd day will be sooo smoootttthhhhh 😀


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It started when i read my timeline of my twitter, from my friend Henry, He said that he won’t complain for a week. It’s his project, inspired by Will Bowen who is the Lead Minister of One Community Spiritual Center in Kansas City, MO.

Me and my Hubby are just done watching Julie & Julia on this sunday evening when i read the tweets. I have a resolution for this year to learn something new. So as a conclusion I really think that I will put No complaint Week as one of the projects that I wanna do this year. Well, the other things are sewing and knitting, if you are interested.

I really think a week without complaint is a part of “something new in 2011” as I love to complain. I really wonder how come Hubby never complains when on the way from the office i will bitch and moan all the way home and then at home I will continue with complaining about the messy house, piled up laundry, etc., etc.  I am really really good to spot the mistakes but of course it’s not my mistake, it should be somebody else’s mistake. The rule is I am always right 😀

I am never afraid of practising to master some new skill, but mastering to not complain, is gonna be different. Before i start it, i already think about all the things in the world that can go wrong and will make me complain about it. Gonna be challenging at the office, at home gonna be easier, as i love my little family to bits. I love Chris, Kirana and our dog, Nala. They are far from perfect but they are perfect for me.

It’s gonna be tough and thank God, it’ll only be a week. I want to do this for the sake of my goodness and my happiness. Positive attitude always brings happiness. So i really hope that i can do this and can be my own (new)  attitude.

It will start tomorrow,very nice… Valentine Day 😀



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that hurts….

I thought  it won’t hurt…

I already knew it coz I can feel it…

I thought I will overcome all the feelings…

But why it makes me cry….

It even didn’t have a heartbeat yet…

I wish I can blame something, I wish I can blame me…

But I don’t know why it happens…

Why it hurts so bad….

It even didn’t have a heartbeat yet…


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I knew that I am pregnant when I feel so tired and so hungry since last week. So when I missed my period I did some home test and the result is positive. I did it twice just to make sure the result is reliable. It’s a good news as we plan to have another baby in our happy family. It seems Kirana is mature enough to have a younger sister/brother.

Monday, 8 November

But now I am worried, since I get some blood spot for the last 2 days. Maybe because I was too tired. On friday night, I couldn’t sleep so i decided to clean the house and only back to sleep at 4 in the morning and woke up at 8 AM.

May everything is alright and I can have a healthy pregnancy.

Went to GP today and he said the bleeding might be OK, just the way the baby develop the womb or it’s an early sign of miscarriage. He only said that I should take easy and relax.

Wednesday,10 November 2010

Today, still found blood spots every time I check it after I pee. Gosh, I hope everything is OK. If I have miscarriage,  I hope I will pass it soon.  Miscarriage is a way of our body to deal with unhealthy pregnancy. Hubby comforts me, makes me feel better.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Yesterday we went to GP because I still have blood spot. This morning is kinda getting worse 😦

GP said the blood test is fine and it’s confirmed that I am pregnant and nothing serious. But since I still have blood spot, he asked me to have a check up at Cork University Maternity Hospital tomorrow.

I hope everything is OK.

Dear Baby, don’t you wanna meet with your sister, Kirana? She is amazing girl, she will be great sister….

In the evening I had a very bad bleeding… It broke my tears, I just know that i loose it…

Thursday,18 November

We went to Cork University Maternity Hospital, got the USG… and there’s no more sign of pregnancy in my womb.

They asked us to came on Saturday to compare to hormone level from today and Saturday, if it went down, we really loose it.

Friday, 19 November

Got a letter about the check up appointment for antenatal…. I am afraid i should cancel all the hospital check up 😦

Sunday, 21 November

Got a call from hospital, it’s officially confirmed that we loose the baby. I already knew it from couple day ago, but still it hits me badly. That’s what we called destiny???


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I read some comment on my friend’s FB status that said “good mom”  and the next comment “… sometime as a career woman, they ask the nanny to do everything for the baby ..” it’s a fee translation from Bahasa. I really wanna laugh because of that comment. I don’t know the guy who gives the comments so no offence and maybe I am just missed interpretation of what he really means. Why I wanna laugh, it’s because the label that he gave to a career woman (well, career woman mostly refer to woman who’s working instead of stay at home), that a career woman will ask the nanny to take care the baby (just like feeding, taking a bath, changing the nappy etc). Does it mean that career woman is worse than a full time mother? Are you a better mom if you always take care a baby by yourself instead of the other who can get help from a nanny? Did he watch 24 hours 7 days a week what did the career woman do so he has statement that sound like a career woman is a worse mother. I know in Indonesia most of the couple will have nanny to take care the baby and a maid to take care the house. So what??? I would love to have that if I can afford that luxury. Having the nanny to help you doesn’t mean you didn’t care with the baby. Everybody has their own reason to do what they do and don’t, don’t judge others! It just the same likes the statement that a mother who breastfeed the baby is better than the they who didn’t.. Or mother giving birth by caesarean section is worse than they who giving birth naturally. Every mother has their own journey in raising her child.

I know i choose to work at the office because so many reasons, it’s because i love to work and express my self and also because of the money that i can get. does it means i didn’t love Kirana that much? I love her with my all my heart and soul and i know that Kirana has a good time at the day care. She likes her friends and enjoys all the activities. i think she really has a good experience in socializing and expressing herself. She still enjoys our companion.

We don’t mind to take days off when we need to, just like when she’s sick… We’re lucky that it’s so flexible to get the day off…

Am i a worse Mom because i am working? i guess only kirana can answer it…


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