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Since last weekend Kirana is sick, she gets chickenpox. She should stay at home, so I take a week off to take care of her.  I never know it will be a frustrating and tiring experience on the first couple days. I remember I get chickenpox when I was in high school and I thought I was not that bad.

On Saturday, 6 February, we take her to the park and met with Ima, Affan and Aziz to play together. She enjoys the slide and the see saw.

On Sunday night, I found some “acne” on her back and ask Chris if it’s a chickenpox. Since there’s no announcement on the crèche about the chickenpox so we were not really worried about chickenpox. On Monday morning we found more “acne” so at that time we are sure that Kirana get chickenpox. Chris decide to stay at home and I went to the office since I have some project should be done on that day. After a long working hour finally I can go home and we get the confirmation from our GP that Kirana has chickenpox.

On the next days I stay at home and it’s just like hell. Kirana is so sick, cranky and her temperature is 40 degrees. She can’t speak so what she can do is only crying and the medicine seems can’t lower her temperature. I hardly can drink or eat, don’t ask me about take a shower, because Kirana want me to carry her all the time.

For an inexperienced mom like me it’s so frustrating and tiring. It’s a mixed feeling because I feel so sorry for her, so sorry to see her little body is so weak and frustrating because I don’t know what should I do to comfort her and also tired to keep carry her all the time. Taking a bath is the only thing that she enjoys at this time.

When Chris at home it’s a relief because I can ask him to carry kirana for a while and I have time to take some rest. But it won’t take a long time because Kirana wanna be with me again.

Breastfeeding is really the wonderful thing that helps me to cope with the situation. I am lucky that I still can breastfeed kirana. Because she refuses to either eat and drink, breastfeeding is the only source for food. I am so worried if she’s dehydrated because nothing going to her mouth. But I guess she has enough milk from breastfeeding.

After 4 days, her fever is gone and she’s back to normal.

I can’t imagine that I can be strong enough if something worse happen to Kirana. I hope this chickenpox is the only serious illness that happened to Kirana.

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I read some comment on my friend’s FB status that said “good mom”  and the next comment “… sometime as a career woman, they ask the nanny to do everything for the baby ..” it’s a fee translation from Bahasa. I really wanna laugh because of that comment. I don’t know the guy who gives the comments so no offence and maybe I am just missed interpretation of what he really means. Why I wanna laugh, it’s because the label that he gave to a career woman (well, career woman mostly refer to woman who’s working instead of stay at home), that a career woman will ask the nanny to take care the baby (just like feeding, taking a bath, changing the nappy etc). Does it mean that career woman is worse than a full time mother? Are you a better mom if you always take care a baby by yourself instead of the other who can get help from a nanny? Did he watch 24 hours 7 days a week what did the career woman do so he has statement that sound like a career woman is a worse mother. I know in Indonesia most of the couple will have nanny to take care the baby and a maid to take care the house. So what??? I would love to have that if I can afford that luxury. Having the nanny to help you doesn’t mean you didn’t care with the baby. Everybody has their own reason to do what they do and don’t, don’t judge others! It just the same likes the statement that a mother who breastfeed the baby is better than the they who didn’t.. Or mother giving birth by caesarean section is worse than they who giving birth naturally. Every mother has their own journey in raising her child.

I know i choose to work at the office because so many reasons, it’s because i love to work and express my self and also because of the money that i can get. does it means i didn’t love Kirana that much? I love her with my all my heart and soul and i know that Kirana has a good time at the day care. She likes her friends and enjoys all the activities. i think she really has a good experience in socializing and expressing herself. She still enjoys our companion.

We don’t mind to take days off when we need to, just like when she’s sick… We’re lucky that it’s so flexible to get the day off…

Am i a worse Mom because i am working? i guess only kirana can answer it…

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kirana bdaymy our little baby is one year old last week… time really flies. i know i’m not a perfect mother, far away from the perfect one. my colleagues know that sometime i’m bitching about i didn’t have “me” time anymore. i’ m kind of straight forward person, so you get what you see…

but i can say it’s a rewarding 1 year…

i still remember in her early days, i keep checking her while she’s sleeping to make sure she’s breathing… or just admire her curly  eye lashes,not just like mine 😛

honestly i still didn’t believe that i have a daughter, especially Kirana is so lovely… God, what did i do so i deserve to have her? she is an amazing joy and bless in our little family.

long long time ago, i keep on thinking and praying that if i have a child the child should be a super child, she should be smart, talented in music, has good sense of humor, good in art.. .if she can fly to the moon, will be better…

but now i just realize it doesn’t matter anymore… i just wanna Kirana be a happy and healthy child with the way she is…

i won’t worry if she can’t walk yet when other kids already walk on her age…  i won’t compare her with any other kids, she’s special… no child is the same!

i just hope i could be a better Mom for her, the best Mom for her… i won’t push my dreams to her, O God, please give me wisdom so i won’t create a mini me but she can be herself.

i won’t let her alone to find her way, i will introduce her with the value  that i believe, the music that i love and i know, the books that i adore and i read, all the small things in my world, but i will let her explore the beauty of this world and its reality…

just one little pray for my little angel: let your life be glorify Thy name.amen

ps. thank you for an amazing days with your smiles,cries,laughs, joys and all the small things you bring to our lives

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img_1625Today i found out that Kirana can put herself on her tummy.  She was on her box and  I was in front of the computer. So now and then  I will check her to make sure she is OK (well.. mostly i was busy with my chat i guess :P), and when i check her, i found out that she is on her tummy!!! voilllaaaa!! the first thing i wanna do is try to find the camera… bummmeerrrr!!! the battery is almost empty so can’t give the proper flash. it’s winter so it’s kinda dark inside the house.

Oh, how proud I am of my little baby, she keeps giving me surprises with her development. it’s an amazing feeling to see this little girl become more and more playful and do what her parents are able to do.

It gives me tears  of happiness to see all those miracles, but also give me a deep sadness. If i go back to work, i will miss those first time moments… I will miss when she can crawl, or stand or walk for the first time. I know i work for her too… but still, first time never comes twice.

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So here  I am in the middle of my maternity leave. I’m so lucky that I can get 7 months off and still get paid for taking care of my baby…  I wish i could get a longer time off with the paycheck in my account 😛

It’s been so long since my last blogging..  Pretend to be busy, I guess..img_1291-small1

But well, motherhood is very challenging,  I can’t imagine having another baby right now, not just because the hassles, but mostly because I just wanna have enough time with Kirana. She’s so cute and adorable. Still can’t believe that I have a lovely and healthy baby girl now. I really enjoy to be with her, even when she’s sleeping, i love to keep looking at her or kissing her chubby cheek.

Being a mother also makes me realize that i can’t do all things by myself and my absent mind sometimes cause some trouble in the beginning.img_0850-small2 Just like the time when I forgot I was boiling some eggs, and the eggs boiled dry and even exploded! Or leaving the laundry for hours, but still I manage to bake some cakes so now and then. At the end i am (should be) a superwoman who can do everything by myself… (hmm, thanks to hubby for being supporting actor :P)

Being at home doesn’t mean the house will be on the immaculate condition, lately img_1595-small1I’m crazy about card making, so “ABRAKADABRAAA”  i turn my dining table into my working space 😀 no complaint from hubby since he moves to living room for dinner 😛 well, the complaint is only the money that i spent for buying all that stuff, i bet he crossed his finger and wishing that i won’t be bored with my new hobby.

Kirana has a settled into a schedule for sleep and breastfeed, that means i have more time to watch telly 😛 hey.. has more time doesn’t mean i should clean the house,right :D?  that’s hubby’s part ( i add that on his wedding vow.. i am christian taking you, ovie to be my wife and will clean the house for the rest of my life…) and the brilliant part is now i can remember all the channel number that i always watch, that’s is another advantage for being at home (shame on me…).

I didn’t realize how much i really love to take care Kirana until Vertigo hit me yesterday. The world’s spinning so badly until i can’t stand on my own. I really miss to carry her, hug her, and play with her.

I can’t stop to say and tell the world that she’s sooooo adorable and beautiful. She’s 68cm and 9.2 kilos now… We’re a little bit worried with her weight, so we already checked with our GP if she’s over weight or not… Well,doesn’t mean that we want her to be a size 0. No way jose!

img_1330-small1img_1431-small1She’s very healthy 4.5 months baby and she already has 2 teeth now. She loves to go shopping with us and especially this month where all the store have the blink blink for Christmas decoration (ah well, no diamond yet,baby..). To watch her grow up is a blessing, sometimes we tell each other that Kirana is img_1046-small1more like me than hubby,vice versa…  She is so playful and very nice to stranger. She will give them big smile if they try to talk with her. Ah yeah, she laughs with tongue out too.. a little bit Michael Jordan i guess. She loves to be on her dad’s shoulder and playing along with daddy and (of course) pulling his hairs (that’s how the hair is gone :P).

img_1606-small1To think that i should go back to work and leave her at creche is hard for me… gonna miss the playing time during the day with her,but not the part when her poo is exploded everywhere 😀

I love you so much,babe!

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my dear Kirana

my lullaby for you, my dear Kirana

sleep tight and have a beautiful dream

mommy loves you much and always

(hmm, but next feb,mommy will be on duty again…)

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with you…

with you…..

love is beautiful

forever is not long enough

marriage life is effortless

being pregnant is bearable

giving birth is not scary anymore

having Kirana is greatest gift

being me is perfect

i wanna be with you more than forever.

happy anniversary,love!

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